I am far from having everything planned out but I have a place to start now! First things first I have to conquer all the battles of starting school, which, there are many more than I ever would have thought! Next is the physical trainer course. Although this is a new thing I have been wanting to do I feel it is very important, my goal is to go to school to be a Dietitian/Nutritionist and a PA or a NP (which will allow me to prescribe and alter medications) so I can train people to be healthy and eventually, if at all possible, get them off of thier medications. I feel this is a much healthier route than prescribing medications that very often require more medications to counteract side effects. I do agree that modern medicine has saved lifes and is very benificial, however I don't feel it should be the automatic route for the majority of people.
My next step is getting a little healthier myself, cardio and healthy eating! I can't very well tell my patients to be healthy as I sit on my butt and do nothing! I'm excited about getting started on this, it's still in the medical feild, I'm still heloping people AND it'll allow me to make my own schedule! Yay!
So I guess the last thing I have to do is take a deep breath and...JUMP!!
Before I end this post I want to say thank you to the one who showed me chivalry isn't dead, that men still do appreciate and respect women. I will forever be grateful to you for showing me my strengths and weaknesses and pushing me to be the woman I want to be. Thank you for seeing me when I didn't.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
Questions and answers
How many times in my life have I been in this exact situation? How many times have I wondered where my life was going and not relizing until months later that I have been what was in the way? How many times have I put my life on hold for something that will never be, why do I always hold on to what I know is not right? What do I gain from putting myself in a painful situation, why do I want to be there? Is pain really better than not having what I really want? Even though I've asked myself these questions before I still seem to justify myself, until ofcourse I am finally able to look at it from an outside view, after I've healed from it.
And that brings me to wonder, how much longer am I going to not allow myself to heal. I know I'm doing it to myself, I don't want to admit that I have to let go. I don't want to give this to God because I know if I do I wont have anything left to hold on to. What's worse is I know that by doing this I'm telling God that I don't trust that He has somthing else planned for me.
He has been very evident in my life recently and instead of being still and listening to Him, I've been trying to make it mean what I want. So I actually don't need to be confused and frustrated with God, I just need to listen and trust. If what I'm feeling is true and not completley because of my not wanting to let go then I will know when I need to know, and if I'm just not wanting to let go then that will be shown as well. Right now I need to let it be evident that I trust in Him.
Your will be done, not mine.
And that brings me to wonder, how much longer am I going to not allow myself to heal. I know I'm doing it to myself, I don't want to admit that I have to let go. I don't want to give this to God because I know if I do I wont have anything left to hold on to. What's worse is I know that by doing this I'm telling God that I don't trust that He has somthing else planned for me.
He has been very evident in my life recently and instead of being still and listening to Him, I've been trying to make it mean what I want. So I actually don't need to be confused and frustrated with God, I just need to listen and trust. If what I'm feeling is true and not completley because of my not wanting to let go then I will know when I need to know, and if I'm just not wanting to let go then that will be shown as well. Right now I need to let it be evident that I trust in Him.
Your will be done, not mine.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
I am second
I'm having trouble expressing what I want to say so bear with me...
Reflecting on my past I realized I had absolutely no idea how lost I really was, I realized just how naive I really was and still am for that matter. I thought I knew God because I prayed to Him and He answered my prayers, I thought God was a majestic being who loved me and therefore would do what I needed when I thought I needed it. I was inadvertently using God as a genie, "your wish is my command." This was both before and after I became a Christian. This caused confusion and frustration when I didn't get what I wanted, " Why do I feel alone, why do I still feel lost after I found Christ, why is my live harder now?"
I soon realized after much study, prayer and talking with respected friends and family it was my fault I was feeling this way. I was using God instead of Him using me, ie: the genie. I hadn't completley died to Him though I thought I had. My selfish and wicked flesh was still in charge. After being challenged by my friend and pastor (he didn't know he challenged me, but he did) I took a long hard look at my heart and motives. Man was that humbling, I had to force down the walls of pride, self controll, and denial. I found that not only had I not completly died to Christ I had no ieda who He was; this was much more painful to find out. I realized this was a bigger deal then I previously knew. Once I accepted my faults and laid them at His feet He has been revieling more of Himself to me. He is showing me I can't have joy with out Him, He is letting me realize He is enough, He is it. I no longer have to search for love, I no longer have to search for fullfilment, I no longer have to search for peace, my journey is over. Just because my journey is over doesn't mean I have no room for growth or learning, it just means I know I'm not just here, I'm here for God's purpose . I was loved first, I am second.
Reflecting on my past I realized I had absolutely no idea how lost I really was, I realized just how naive I really was and still am for that matter. I thought I knew God because I prayed to Him and He answered my prayers, I thought God was a majestic being who loved me and therefore would do what I needed when I thought I needed it. I was inadvertently using God as a genie, "your wish is my command." This was both before and after I became a Christian. This caused confusion and frustration when I didn't get what I wanted, " Why do I feel alone, why do I still feel lost after I found Christ, why is my live harder now?"
I soon realized after much study, prayer and talking with respected friends and family it was my fault I was feeling this way. I was using God instead of Him using me, ie: the genie. I hadn't completley died to Him though I thought I had. My selfish and wicked flesh was still in charge. After being challenged by my friend and pastor (he didn't know he challenged me, but he did) I took a long hard look at my heart and motives. Man was that humbling, I had to force down the walls of pride, self controll, and denial. I found that not only had I not completly died to Christ I had no ieda who He was; this was much more painful to find out. I realized this was a bigger deal then I previously knew. Once I accepted my faults and laid them at His feet He has been revieling more of Himself to me. He is showing me I can't have joy with out Him, He is letting me realize He is enough, He is it. I no longer have to search for love, I no longer have to search for fullfilment, I no longer have to search for peace, my journey is over. Just because my journey is over doesn't mean I have no room for growth or learning, it just means I know I'm not just here, I'm here for God's purpose . I was loved first, I am second.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Transformation
I have had the craziest, busiest life and have been feeling empty, unfulfilled, and like all the desicions I made were wrong. I now no longer feel this way, even though life poses the same questions and trials. The big change or transformation was giving myself to the Lord. I am now a true Jesus follower, or in other words a Christian. I have felt the love of Christ on a much deeper more powerful level than ever before, it is truly amazing the changes I've witnessed in my dad and sister,Jade, as they too have surrendered thier lives to the Lord.
I have also come to know that I have been called to go to Belize City, off the Panama Cannal in Central America. Last Sunday a couple came down to talk about thier ministry in Belize, they were sharing stories and letting us know what was going on while they've been there. At the end they asked us for a donation (buying a T-shirt) to help support the camp and church they have there. As I was talking to the lady selling the shirts I felt prompted to ask more questions about the ministry, and that turned into asking what I could do to help. I told her I wanted to pray about going and being of help. She gave me her and her husbands e-mail address and phone number so we could keep in touch. I also asked my Pastor to pray for me, to help me know what I needed to do with my life at this point in it( not specicaly about going to Belize, but keeping that in mind). Earlier this week I e-mailed Lisa to tell her that I do want to go, and that I needed more information,ie: finances, food, shelter...., she said she would call me back and let me know the details Thursday (today) or Friday.
I am truley excited about this trip, I found that I will be introduced to 7 different languages, and will be discipling the Lords word to all ages and tongues (well 7 anyway) : ) I will be coming up with the majority of the money but, my Pastor said the church would be more than willing to help out. So needless to say I will be saving all my pennies, it will be roughly 7,200 for the year. Yes, I will be going for a year!
Through all the questioning and praying I also noticed I was in a relationship (with Paul) that was not right in timing, it was just to soon for me to so commited this early after my divorce, and during this time of my life. Our relationship was truly beautiful, and so I hope it is what God has planned for me, but if not I know I will have a truly beautiful relationship agian, as will he.
I feel so very blessed to have the family I do, and love you all so much. I pray for you all, and hope all is well. I am also so grateful for my mom and dad who showed me the true Gospel of Christ.
God Bless,
Amber.
I have also come to know that I have been called to go to Belize City, off the Panama Cannal in Central America. Last Sunday a couple came down to talk about thier ministry in Belize, they were sharing stories and letting us know what was going on while they've been there. At the end they asked us for a donation (buying a T-shirt) to help support the camp and church they have there. As I was talking to the lady selling the shirts I felt prompted to ask more questions about the ministry, and that turned into asking what I could do to help. I told her I wanted to pray about going and being of help. She gave me her and her husbands e-mail address and phone number so we could keep in touch. I also asked my Pastor to pray for me, to help me know what I needed to do with my life at this point in it( not specicaly about going to Belize, but keeping that in mind). Earlier this week I e-mailed Lisa to tell her that I do want to go, and that I needed more information,ie: finances, food, shelter...., she said she would call me back and let me know the details Thursday (today) or Friday.
I am truley excited about this trip, I found that I will be introduced to 7 different languages, and will be discipling the Lords word to all ages and tongues (well 7 anyway) : ) I will be coming up with the majority of the money but, my Pastor said the church would be more than willing to help out. So needless to say I will be saving all my pennies, it will be roughly 7,200 for the year. Yes, I will be going for a year!
Through all the questioning and praying I also noticed I was in a relationship (with Paul) that was not right in timing, it was just to soon for me to so commited this early after my divorce, and during this time of my life. Our relationship was truly beautiful, and so I hope it is what God has planned for me, but if not I know I will have a truly beautiful relationship agian, as will he.
I feel so very blessed to have the family I do, and love you all so much. I pray for you all, and hope all is well. I am also so grateful for my mom and dad who showed me the true Gospel of Christ.
God Bless,
Amber.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Soo many changes
First I'd like to apologize to you all for not keeping you updated as promised. I am alive and well, lol..
I guess I'll start with the most drastic change, as you all may have known I was living with my aunt and uncle in Queen Creek, Arizona due to my separation from Kenny. Now, the divorce is final and I am with my family again, after 9 years, living in Utah. I've been here for about a month.
The hardest part about the move was leaving my job, I learned so much and loved everyone I worked with. I still keep in touch with them, and a couple of my patients. A good thing did come from leaving my job tho, I have 5 doctors that have or will give me a letter of reccomendation to where ever I apply. I was also given a name of a doctor to apply for up here, which has turned out good so far, but is incomplete at the moment.
Before I moved to Utah I was presented with an amazing financial vehicle that I took advantage of. With this business I am doing fairly well at the moment, and have amazing potential for further growth and success. I have a link posted on my Facebook notes for my business website; see what's new!
Since I've been here in Utah I have been enjoying myself by hanging out with my family and sleeping in, hehe. I met Devin and Crystal's neighbor, Paul and have been hanging out with him too, some of you met him at Grandma's house, but most already knew him from previous events. Although I am not ready to commit to any type of relationship besides just going on dates, we spend quite a bit of time together. Since I, and my mom, dad, and sisters think it is important to divide my time between other guys (and "me time") , I am going to meet and go on dates with more people. This will be easier to do when I get a job and am introduced to more people.
I am not used to this and find it very exciting, but also scary, I've never really dated before so I don't know what it's like, or what to expect. I really don't want to end up waiting for guys to call, waiting by the phone...Or even worse, I think, staying single for ever and not finding Mr. Right till I'm 80. OMGosh, what if I become the single lady in an apartment with like 6 cats!! scary...
I honestly don't think that would happen, it wouldn't, but it is still scary to think about.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-anyways-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Christmas was very enjoyable with my family. The best part besides actually being with my family, was seeing their faces when they opened their gifts! I wish I had a camera so I could have captured the moments. I was so very thankful to be able to spend Christmas with my family this year, it's been way to long.
I am excited to start a new year, it goes great with me starting a new life. I'm excited to see where the Lord brings me. I hope you all enjoy yourselves. Your in my daily prayers, I love you all so much. I'll keep in touch
Amber
I guess I'll start with the most drastic change, as you all may have known I was living with my aunt and uncle in Queen Creek, Arizona due to my separation from Kenny. Now, the divorce is final and I am with my family again, after 9 years, living in Utah. I've been here for about a month.
The hardest part about the move was leaving my job, I learned so much and loved everyone I worked with. I still keep in touch with them, and a couple of my patients. A good thing did come from leaving my job tho, I have 5 doctors that have or will give me a letter of reccomendation to where ever I apply. I was also given a name of a doctor to apply for up here, which has turned out good so far, but is incomplete at the moment.
Before I moved to Utah I was presented with an amazing financial vehicle that I took advantage of. With this business I am doing fairly well at the moment, and have amazing potential for further growth and success. I have a link posted on my Facebook notes for my business website; see what's new!
Since I've been here in Utah I have been enjoying myself by hanging out with my family and sleeping in, hehe. I met Devin and Crystal's neighbor, Paul and have been hanging out with him too, some of you met him at Grandma's house, but most already knew him from previous events. Although I am not ready to commit to any type of relationship besides just going on dates, we spend quite a bit of time together. Since I, and my mom, dad, and sisters think it is important to divide my time between other guys (and "me time") , I am going to meet and go on dates with more people. This will be easier to do when I get a job and am introduced to more people.
I am not used to this and find it very exciting, but also scary, I've never really dated before so I don't know what it's like, or what to expect. I really don't want to end up waiting for guys to call, waiting by the phone...Or even worse, I think, staying single for ever and not finding Mr. Right till I'm 80. OMGosh, what if I become the single lady in an apartment with like 6 cats!! scary...
I honestly don't think that would happen, it wouldn't, but it is still scary to think about.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-anyways-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Christmas was very enjoyable with my family. The best part besides actually being with my family, was seeing their faces when they opened their gifts! I wish I had a camera so I could have captured the moments. I was so very thankful to be able to spend Christmas with my family this year, it's been way to long.
I am excited to start a new year, it goes great with me starting a new life. I'm excited to see where the Lord brings me. I hope you all enjoy yourselves. Your in my daily prayers, I love you all so much. I'll keep in touch
Amber
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Sacaton, Gila River Health Care
I have been working for Gila River Health Care in the Podiatry Department since July 20th, and have been enjoying it very much. The staff and I get along well, and I really like the patients there. There have been some NASTY things I've seen, but all in all I've been able to stomach it, I guess that doesn't sat much though cuz I can handle more than most of you... One thing I want to share that I think will be ok for all readers without giving warning is, the other day a lady came in with a slashed Achilles heel. It had to be stapled closed (which was done by someone outside our office) , and we had to take them out, I wish I could have, but the doc did it. Her foot was just hanging there, it was sooo crazy, craziest thing I've seen!! The lady was being reckless and stupid on a motorcycle, IDK how it happened. I'm sure she lied anyway.
I have learned soo much about the history and culture of these people, and it is so amazing, and sad. I wish they (the majority of the population) cared more about the reservations upkeep and apparel. It is a work in progress though, which I was glad to hear.
I love that I am looked at as a member of the community (to an extent) because I work there, it makes it easier to take care of the patients since they're so close knit with their families.
Well other than that, no much has changed. I am thinking about moving out in a month or so, when I've saved enough money to get my own place, which will most likely be close to Jade and Joey.. I will keep you updated..
I love you all and hope all is well, your all in my prayers..
Love,
Amber
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Civic Del Sol
I had been having problem after problem with my "fabulous" Mustang, and since I have yet to find a job I could not keep paying (asking my parents for money) for the stupid thing. While my parents came down for the miracle of Ethan( Jade and Joey's newest addition), they heard ofthe shape the car was in and next thing I new my dad and I are looking online for used cars!! I didn't get one online cuz my dad decided to go to a dealershp to look for trucks and ended up buying me a '95 Civic Del Sol!
Because I have never driven a stick shift, my mom dad- mainly my dad- tought me how to drive it. After many times dumping the clutch, or not giving it enough gas at the proper time, and whatever else I was doing wrong, I FINALLY got the hang of it and I am now pretty good at it, although I have to admit I still kill it sometimes, but mostly I squeel the tires, hehe. I will eventuallyget pictures of it to put on here, but right now it needs a bath and waxing.
Thank you mom and dad!!!
Other than that nothing has really changed, Kenny and I are in counsoling, we'll see how that goes......
Because I have never driven a stick shift, my mom dad- mainly my dad- tought me how to drive it. After many times dumping the clutch, or not giving it enough gas at the proper time, and whatever else I was doing wrong, I FINALLY got the hang of it and I am now pretty good at it, although I have to admit I still kill it sometimes, but mostly I squeel the tires, hehe. I will eventuallyget pictures of it to put on here, but right now it needs a bath and waxing.
Thank you mom and dad!!!
Other than that nothing has really changed, Kenny and I are in counsoling, we'll see how that goes......
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